Welcome to Tsukiji, the world's greatest fish market. Although market is probably the wrong word - this place is nothing short of a wonder (next to Tsukiji, Machu Picchu is a mound of bricks on a hill, etc).
The 57 acre site is a city of seafood, where over 2,000 tonnes of the stuff is displayed and shifted each day - that's over 700,000 tonnes a year across more than 1,500 stalls. Over 60,000 people call Tsukiji their place of work, and very few of them can ever claim to have a dull day.
That's because Tsukiji is an explosion of vivid colour, clattering sound and heady ocean scents that grabs all of your senses at once, shakes them up in a giant conch shell, tips them into a polystyrene box full of ice and sells them to a sushi chef.
Pull on some shoes that you no longer love, and come wade through the fish guts, as we tour the myriad bonkers sights of Tsukiji.
Baby squid taking a nice bath with some ice cubes and some black ink.
Eels do it in blood-sullied water.
Huge octopi brazenly showing off their tentacles.
More cephalopods than you can shake a squid at.
When the going gets weird, the 'geoduck' turns pro.
The Tsukiji barbershop singing troupe turns up for morning practice.
'Salmon in a box' doesn't quite do this pic justice, does it?
"I'm sure I left a white polystyrene box around here somewhere."
Pfffft...your guess is as good as mine.
"Hey, I can see your brain from here."
For the life of them, Toshiro and Dave couldn't work out where the fishy smell was coming from.
There's nothing better than a bucket of eels, is there?
"One day I'm gonna get me an R2D2 unit like Haruki's."
Three men, an ancient looking cart, and a ready-made photo opportunity.
"Mom, which knife should I use to disembowel the nosey Englishman?"
Don't you just hate it when a prawn burrows into your neck?
"Aren't you glad you're not us?"
If you don't want to know what they did with this blood-soaked chopping board, razor-sharp knife and bit of bent coat hanger, don't look below.
It's a cruel world ain't it?